he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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