I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
