I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
