After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
