sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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