you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
