everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
