im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
