the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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