My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
