I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
