i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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