Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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