Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
