I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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