the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
