So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
