My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
please come you make the beer taste better
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
