im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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