if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
