I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
