I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sorry about my life...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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