Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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