Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
