you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
