I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
