You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
