Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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