worst night to have a conscience
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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