i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
