if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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