Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
