Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize