the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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