Your dad touched me again.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
