Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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