giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize