Do you still have your period?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
