dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
