Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
