Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
