Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
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