I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
