Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
