Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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