i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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