Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
