I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
