I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
