Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
