I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
