that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
