So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
