every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
