My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
