Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
