i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
