you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
