Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
