the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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