she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
