While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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