How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
