I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
