Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
this hospital has no fireball
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
