Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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