last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
